14 Lies That EVERYONE Tells Their Mum

The key to a happy, healthy mother and son/daughter relationship is lies. Lots of them. Lies are the magic that keeps everything running smoothly. Because let’s be real, they don't need to know about the guy you f**ed on the weekend when you were wasted. A few little white lies are totally necessary:

1. ‘Nah, I don’t need a jacket.’
Meaning: I don’t want to wear a jacket, because it will ruin my outfit. Please just let me be free. I am a fashion dove. Let me fly. The cold never bothered me anyway

2. ‘No, no, I'm not cold. It’s fine.’
Meaning: DEAR LORD I’M FREEZING. WHY DIDN'T I LISTEN TO YOU.

3. ‘I hardly ever get takeaways.’
Meaning: I get takeaways for breakfast, lunch and dinner

4. ‘Could I borrow $40? Just a bit short this week and need to do a food shop!’
Meaning: Could I borrow $40? I need to buy alcohol.

5. ‘I don’t really drink, to be honest.’
Meaning: Other than the occasional glass of wine. That I have every single night. 

6. ‘No, I’m not drunk! Just texting to say I love you!’
Meaning: I am f**king wasted and I will regret this text in the morning.

7. ‘I don’t have Facebook.’
Meaning: I've blocked you on Facebook so you can't add me anyway

8. ‘We’re just friends.’
Meaning: We’re having sex but he doesn't want to commit to me. 

9. ‘Of course you didn’t wake me. I’ve been up for ages now.’
Meaning: Can you not call me before 11am please?

10. ‘Yes, yes, I’m eating healthily.’
Meaning: I ate a piece of lettuce this week.

11. ‘No, I’m not hungover. Just have a bit of a headache.’
Meaning: PLEASE STOP SPEAKING TO ME SO I CAN DIE IN PEACE

12. ‘Mum I'm driving right now, I’ll call you later!’
Meaning: I can't be f***ed talking to you right now. Bye.

13. ‘I’m really just focusing on work right now.’
Meaning: Yes I'm single still, stop reminding me. 

14. ‘Everything’s fine! Don’t worry!’
Meaning: Why didn't you warn me that life is SO HARD?!

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