- Publish Date
- Thursday, 14 September 2017, 3:22PM
Some people just shouldn't speak.
Let alone speaking during sex.
Whispering sweet nothings is great, but some words can completely kill the mood.
15 people have revealed to Metro the worst thing someone has said to them mid-sex (or immediately after) and they will make you cringe:
"After a successful Tinder date, I went back with the guy – we had sex, and afterwards I joked, ‘Best first date ever.’
To which he replied, ‘Best last date ever.’
So that was that."
"He stroked my face. Looked me in the eye and said, ‘Bloop, bloop, bloop – love bubbles.’
Immediately after he asked if he could put it up my arse."
"‘That was s***.’
It wouldn’t have been that bad, only I was in a backpacker’s dorm at the time and my mates all heard.
I’ve never lived it down."
"‘I can’t believe we haven’t had sex for four weeks!’
We had, a couple of times, he just didn’t remember."
"‘Sorry, I have to stop. You remind me of my sister.’
I don’t know what was worse. Her thinking I looked like a girl, or her waiting until we were completely naked to make the announcement."
"Do you mind not looking at me. I’m trying to concentrate."
"‘Don’t pull that face. It makes you look like Mr Bean.’
Which was accompanied by so much uncontrollable laughter we had to stop.
In her defence, I do kind of look like Mr Bean."
"Timed with my thrusts…
‘Don’t come in me, don’t come in me, don’t come in me… Come in me!’"
"I fell asleep post one-night stand only to be shaken awake…
‘Wake up and make me come, or f*** off.’
I had no choice. I woke up and got the job done."
"A girl once asked me why I was being so noisy. That was embarrassing."
"‘I’ve honestly never seen balls so tiny.’"
"‘I think I just wee’d in you.’
It was with my first boyfriend. We had to stop so we could Google whether that was even possible."
"‘Do you mind if I go on top – you’re pushing on my stomach and I had a curry earlier.’"
"‘I’m gonna be sick.’
As he said the word ‘sick’, his prophecy came true. He was on top."
"‘Without a doubt, that’ll go down as one of the top five worst shags of my entire life.’
When I protested…
‘You can’t honestly think that was good! What’s wrong with you?’
A man doesn’t recover easily from such a poor review."