Not enjoying sex? This could be why

Publish Date
Thursday, 14 December 2017, 12:14PM
Photo / Getty Images

Photo / Getty Images

Ahh sex.. a popular yet not-often-talked-about subject. Like, what's the norm? How long should it last? Am I meant to be in pain? WHAT AM I FEELING!

A survey was carried out by Saucydates.com asking nearly 4,000 people about how long they wanted sex to last for, and the result that came back was just under half an hour.

Women answered around 25 minutes and 51 seconds while men gave an average answer of 25 minutes and 43 seconds.

Finishing eight seconds too early it seems...

But what happens if loss of libido results in a sex life that is non-existent?

It is a common problem that affects many men – and women – at some point in their life.

Houston sex therapist Mary Jo Rapini explains six reasons why this could happen and what to do, reports Daily Mail.

1. You feel resentful

If you are feeling angry at your partner or are holding a grudge, it's very difficult to feel in the mood for sex.

"A woman needs to feel readily loved and connected to their partner," said Ms Rapini.

Resentment prevents you from feeling free to escape during sex, which is key to wanting and enjoying it.

She suggests spending some quality time together, such as going to the cinema, and then talking about the issues afterwards.

2. You don't feel good about your body

Our body image – how satisfied you are with your weight and shape – plays a huge role in how sexy we feel. Research suggests women – perhaps because they're bombarded by media images of female perfection – suffer most with this.

The Journal of Sex Research declared that how a woman feels about her body has a stronger impact on sexual functioning than even menopause.

And a Daily Mail UK national survey showed 52 per cent of women have avoided or postponed sex, even when they were in the mood, because they were too self-conscious about their looks.

Practicing self-acceptance is helpful, says Ms Rapini. However, this comes easier when you make healthy choices, such as eating well, exercising, and managing your stress levels, she points out.

3. You're a serial dater

Having more sexual partners doesn't make you a better lover, argues Ms Rapini.

She warns that if you are jumping from one relationship to another, you may have an underlying fear of intimacy – and sex is never going to be that good and fulfilling.

She says there is nothing wrong with enjoying casual relationships and having fun, but asks people to be aware of why they are doing it.

4. Your birth control pill

According to the UK's NHS Choices, hormonal contraception can negatively impact your libido.

This includes  the combined hormonal contraception (pill, patch or ring), the progestogen-only pill, the contraceptive implant and the contraceptive injection.

However, Ms Rapini says that it's easy to blame hormones when you lose your sex drive when it may be psychological issues.

Indeed, a 2016 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine reported that hormonal birth control wasn't a strong factor in libido in long-term couples – and that relationship factors have more of an influence.

5. You feel jealous

If you feel your partner is looking at other women it's unlikely to make you want to get intimate with them.

'You should definitely tell your partner you don't like when they do things like check out other women or Google women right in front of you,' said Ms Rapini.
She says it's important to clearly express what you expect from the relationship and not feel like you're being too demanding or controlling.

6. You have a medical issue

There may be underlying medical causes of a low sex drive, and that includes the side effects of certain medications.

Everyone's sex drive is different – there's no such thing as a "normal" libido. But if you find your lack of desire for sex distressing or it's affecting your relationship, it's a good idea to get help.

If you're sure there are no relationship issues shattering your sex drive, it may be worth going to your GP to ask for tests.

This article originally appeared in the Daily Mail and was republished here with permission.