"The Worst Things I've Heard as a Nurse in Labor and Delivery"

Put in an extra stitch. From a father talking to the provider AND from a provider talking to a father. Yeah, 'cause that didn't make me just throw up in my mouth. Officially, the only time I've rolled my eyes in front of a patient. One time I couldn't even help it...I asked the father "how small does the doctor need to make it?" :/

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My boyfriend checked me and said I was dilating. From a woman who let her partner do too much exploring. He knew how dilated she was from his experience working in a coffee shop. FYI -- don't try this at home :/

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There's plenty of room in here. From a provider talking to a woman while doing a vaginal exam. Ummm, because I really want a room full of people to hear that my vagina is big enough to have a ten pound baby. For the love of God, have some decency and say "it'll be a tight fit, but our bodies are capable of great things!"

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Right now you have a vaginus. From a provider, telling the woman how bad her laceration was. Because that's not confusing or frightening at all...

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You smell like your momma's stinky kooch -- A grandmother, talking to the freshly delivered newborn.

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Grandpa, you can take pictures -- A nursery nurse to the man standing next to the warmer. Unfortunately, it was her husband, not her dad :/ lol

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I'm the only one that gets to suck on those. From a father who wouldn't let his wife breastfeed. This was the first time I've ever wanted to hit someone in the head :(

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If you put a catheter in me, will the baby be able to come out? From many patients. Am I the only woman out there that has explored her own body?!? ...or paid attention during anatomy class? You have three holes down there!

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Oh, he has a little penis just like his dad did. From a mother-in-law looking at her newborn grandson right after delivery. This was only the "worst" for the dad. This was the "best" for everyone else in the room :) Everyone else could.not.stop.laughing. The dad turned every shade of red.

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