Bree: Sad things you can do on Valentine’s day if you’re a desperate, lonely, single female

Publish Date
Thursday, 14 June 2018, 1:56PM
Photo: Getty Images

Photo: Getty Images

Meet Bree, the new ZM office girl that is desperate, sad and lonely this Valentines Day. 

A post shared by Bree Tomasel. (@breetomasel) on

She wanted to help out her fellow gal pals so has crafted a guide to help those that are single for tomorrow's Valentines Day. 

A desperate and single girls guide for Valentine’s Day:

  1. Instead of getting your usual one bottle of chardonnay get two and treat yo’ desperate self.

  1. Keep it classy and try crying into a pillow instead of out loud so your neighbours romantic dinner isn’t interrupted. Again.
  1. Prank call a bunch of your ex’s and tell them they need to be checked for chlamydia.
  1. A blow-up doll or a boyfriend pillow is a great investment.
  1. Book a bunch of reservations at fancy restaurants in advance and then sell them off to desperate couples who didn’t book till the last minute. CASHHHHH MONEY $$$$$$$!
  1. Netflix and chill … solo.
  1. Send yourself a Valentine’s Day gift to your office… I recommend Pizza. Fuck flowers.

8. Buy tissues in bulk from The Warehouse… great money saver and can be used for multiple different situations.

9. Walk into random restaurants and just yell out… “I knew you were with her/him"

10. Pornhub


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