Things Colleagues Do That Guarantee Their Work Mates Hate Them

VOLUME CONTROL

With some people the volume switch doesn't come naturally. You work in an open-plan office, the person sitting 10 metres away doesn’t need to hear your phone conversation. Extra points are deducted for personal calls — no one cares whether your friend Stacey is back together with Steve.

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EMAIL BOMBING

Okay so you definitely don't need to reply-all to that email. The most infuriating thing is that, half the time, we don’t even know who these people are, let alone care about the substance of the conversation. 

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CHEMICAL WARFARE

People think they're sophisticated when they waft into the office cloaked in a heavy mist of perfume. You are choking us. This applies to aftershave, cologne and cheap body sprays with expensive marketing campaigns. Especially selfish are those who top up spray-on deodorant at their desks, spritzing their armpits without a thought for their more chemically sensitive colleagues. 

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PASSIVE AGGRESSIVES

Nothing breeds resentment like being told what to do, especially by someone for whom sarcasm is a mother tongue. Passive-aggressive notes that refer to “kitchen fairies” are among the most irritating examples. If you have an issue with your colleagues, take it up with them directly — just don’t do it in a reply-all email.

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FEATHER FINGERS

There’s one in every major corporation — or so it would seem, based on the number of missing lunch box reports... Did the cleaning staff really just carry through with their threat to dump anything left in the fridge last Sunday, or is Andy the Artful Dodger from accounts up to his old tricks? Every workplace, at one point or another, bears the misfortune of a staff member who nicks anything that isn’t nailed down — and they seem to think no one knows.

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BIO HAZARD

If you're sick, don't cough everywhere. Easy. And don’t even get us started about people who come to work while in the early throes of a cold or flu.

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DESK CREEP

It’s the work space equivalent of a close talker: that colleague who seems bizarrely unaware of their incursion into your personal space, letting their mountain of paperwork edge ever further over your side of the desk. 

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KITCHEN MELTDOWN

Every office has one bright spark who nukes their lunch then wanders off while their hungry colleagues wait listlessly near the microwave, unsure whether to keep waiting like idiots, or take the other person’s food out to make way for the next person in line. It’s awkward, frustrating, and there needs to be rules. Other ways to incite kitchen rage include throwing food scraps in the recycling bin and leaving the toaster on the highest setting, ensuring the next person’s breakfast comes with an extra helping of carbon.

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GOSSIP QUEENS

Did you think you left those girls in high school? Think again! Salacious gossip is currency in many a workplace, and the temptation to indulge is hard to resist. But beware that what goes around comes around, and learn to look out for the signs of feigned friendliness and interest. If the smile doesn’t reach the eyes, chances are that colleague who asked how your day’s going is fishing for gossip.

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