The Twelfth Quest: Handstand Boy and the Voyeuristic Turtle

Content Warning: R18, Language and Sexual Material May Offend.

Picking up where season three left off, Morgs is back on the horse, or well, near the horse, when she meets a new lover at the polo. He charms her with nude handstands and a Mills and Boon rewrite, then loses all his points when he propositions her friend and gets caught pashing someone else on a night out.

Next, a secret fling with a younger workmate takes an unwelcome turn when Morgan, mid-compromising-position, realises they have an audience: one very old, very stinky turtle.

On the apps now, Morgan matches with a hot chef who, on paper, is total boyfriend material. In practice, he serves a four-course, cucumber-centric dinner to a woman who specifically told him she HATES cucumbers. It goes down like a cup of cold cucumber and avocado soup (incidentally, his starter).

The icks stack up, and Morgan starts asking why she keeps choosing men who aren't really available. The answer takes us back to a little girl waiting at the window for a dad who didn't know how to show up.

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Morgan Insta: @morganthesexologist

Hayley Insta: @hayleysproull

ZM Podcast Network: @ZMOnline