Friday, July 27, 2012
1. Fitting in is not belonging - Belonging is not fitting in. In fact, fitting in is the greatest barrier to belonging. Fitting in is assessing situations and groups of people, then twisting yourself into a human pretzel in order to get them to let you hang out with them. Belonging is something else. It's showing up and letting yourself be seen and known as you really are. People have issues between who they are and who they present to the world in order to be accepted. But they're not letting themselves be known at all. Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you're enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect. When we don't have that, we hustle for the worthiness we already have.
2. Guilt is not bad for you - Guilt is good. Guilt helps you stay on track because it's about your behavior. It happens when you compare something you've done — or failed to do — with your personal values. The discomfort usually leads to real change and self-reflection.
3. Perfectionism is not about striving for excellence - Perfectionism isn't about achievement and growth. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfectly, look perfectly and act perfectly, we can avoid the pain of blame, judgment and shame. Most perfectionists grow up being praised for achievement and performance. Research has found that perfectionism doesn't lead to success and usually leads to depression, anxiety, addiction and missed opportunities over fears of putting anything out in the world that could be imperfect or disappoint others.
4. Vulnerability Is an act of courage - Vulnerability is not weakness. It's individual courage. The key to transforming vulnerability into courage is learning how recognize it, feel it and ultimately make the choice to "be there" with the uncertainty and risk. When you know what you're feeling and why, you can slow down, breathe, ask for support and make choices that reflect who you are and what you believe.