Things You're Never Told About Marriage

Everyone imagines the fairytale ending... but what does nobody tell you?

1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, "Is this it? Forever?" No matter how great your spouse is, they don't make you happy every moment of every day. But let go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage and realize it's a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium.

2. You'll work harder than you ever imagined. Early on, when people say, "Marriage takes work," you assume "work" means being patient and compromising with one another. As two people grow and evolve, the real work of marriage is finding a way to relate to and nurture each other in the process.

3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder). Whoever said, "Never go to bed angry," doesn't know what it's like inside a bedroom where tears and accusations have been flying for HOURS! If this scenario sounds familiar, here are three words for you: "Sleep on it." The truth is that you need to calm down and gain perspective. You need to just give it a rest.

4. You will go without sex -- sometimes for a long time -- and that's OK. Don't kid yourself; no one is doing it as often as pop culture would have you believe. Instead of worrying about how much you think you "should" be having sex, keep the focus on figuring out your own rhythm.

5. Getting your way is not as important as finding a way to work together. When it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong -- there is simply your way of looking at things and your spouse's. Sincerely acknowledge their point of view, and it'll be easier for them to hear yours.

6. A great marriage doesn't mean no conflict -- it means a couple keeps trying to get it right. As important as it is to strike a balance, it's also important to have a big, fat fight every now and then. Because when you fight, you don't just raise your voices -- you raise real -- sometimes buried -- issues that challenge you to come to a clearer understanding of you, your spouse, and your relationship.

7. You'll realize that you can only change yourself. Transforming someone else is truly an impossible task. And you will come to realize, sooner than later if you're lucky, that it is far easier to change the way you respond to them.

8. As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you're really made of. Many of the deepest frustrations in your relationship are an opportunity for you to confront yourself. You'll learn to love your quirks and be compassionate toward yourself, just as you're learning to do with your spouse.